The Expanding Circle of Coming Out

Yesterday I had an appointment with a therapist to talk about my gender stuff (or well, it was kind of a second intake appointment to talk about a treatment plan. also: they said I do have gender dysphoria, how affirming). The therapist asked me who I’m out to, and of course the answer is Fergus and my three closest friends.

Before that, it was Fergus and my close friend who is trans and helped me come out to myself indirectly. In the coming months, I’ll be coming out to more and more people (it might take a bit, depending on how quickly testosterone lowers my voice). Probably the next people on the list are parents-in-law and my parents, and after that, more distant in-laws and more distant friends. As a side note, I’m so grateful that Fergus is willing to help me with the distant in-law coming out; there are way too many cousins-in-law that he and I see periodically that should probably know at some point.

Of course, I knew before now that coming out is not a everyone-at-once deal and that usually different people are told at different times. But answering the therapist’s question made me realize how coming out sort of ripples outward. I don’t have much else to say about the realization, but it was just interesting to think about.


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